Guess what? I am tired being of this multi billionaire celebrity. I really need some breathing space of my own. I know what you guys are thinking, he's saying it because he has it all. Trust me guys its not that easy being in the spotlight.
Hell, when was the last time I went out with a girl for a movie to the theatre. Everytime I have a date with one of those "Playboy" playmates and want to watch a movie, all I can do is go to my own private auditorium in my obscenely plush bungalow in Malibu. Thats so cruel. I would give an arm to queue up with the rest of you lesser mortals to get a ticket from the box office in the neighborhood rundown theatre. And dinner, when did I last go to a Wendy's or McDonalds to pick up a "dollar meal"...I love those...all I have is what my private fat French chef ( who by the way had earned his cordon bleu)cooks up...and then I have to nibble on the Camembort or Roquefort while I sip on some Bordeaux, a 1787 Chateau Lafite (no less). Man isnt that a torture.
Its not only these things that are a torture. Every morning when I get ready to work, I have to go through the same difficult choice of choosing what suit I must wear. You know it would not do justice to my innumerable fans if they could actually ever see me without me consulting my "appearance speacialist".
Just think of the message I would be sending out the message if they saw me in my formal suits in my Porsche or in my sweat shirt in my Cadillac. I really envy those guys who get to travel in those crowded buses.
I am really ready to give up on these, point is how do I find a good substitute for my position. I have actually thought of a grand idea...I will have a nation-wide, no a global, contest called "Who wants to be Celebrity X". We are then going to judge them and put the most obnoxious no good dickhead on this prestigious job.